by Meggin Schiffner and friends
Being without your kids on a long-term basis is rough any time of the year, but during the holidays it can be brutal. Tons of emotions can dig at your mind — loneliness, shame, rejection, anger, and possibly that pesky inner voice that calls you a failure. Don’t get stuck wallowing in those emotions. Staying there will keep you from moving forward into healing and becoming the renewed mom your kids need.
Cling to the promises of Scripture instead. The right of every believer, “while we are yet sinners” (Rom. 5:8), is to have a God who accepts and loves us, who promises never to leave us or forsake us, and who walks with us through hard times. It’s okay to accept that you need what the Good Samaritan provided — mercy. If you find yourself, as many moms do, thinking negatively about yourself and even about your kids at times, stop the negative cycle by inviting mercy for yourself into your thinking. Ask God to forgive you. Then forgive yourself and others.
There’s a void in your life with your children gone, but there is a way to fill it. When God tells the thief to stop stealing, He doesn’t stop there. He also tells him how to fill the void: go and work (Eph. 4:28). What can you do physically, mentally, and spiritually to fill the void your children left and not let sadness take over your holiday experience? No matter where you are, begin to look at this holiday as your first holiday on the road to healing. The road may be long and have bumps along the way, but persevere, Mamas! You can still be a world changer for good. The best gift you can give your kids is recovering yourself. You are redeemable, you are loved, and you can do this moment by moment.
Ideas of things you can do
Create a special holiday display using small photos of your children. Simply tape or glue photos to a square of holiday wrapping paper so the paper makes a border. Then hang them with ribbon on a tree or a wall.
Make one of their favorite desserts, holiday foods, or cookies while thinking of memories of them. Give away the food to a friend or even a stranger.
Visit children in the hospital. When you get out of your own world to bless others, it will bless you. Pay it forward. God sees you planting seeds in others. At the same time, God can plant seeds in the form of sending others to your kids.
Write a note telling of your love for them. Share simple joys of the holiday that make you think of them. If it is Thanksgiving, write things that you are grateful for about them and your relationship with them. At Christmas, write about the sights and sounds that you love or what reminds you of them.
Send an inexpensive token of love, such as holiday stickers, coloring books, fun socks, or a photo of you or one of you and your children together, along with a short note. Send something you made by hand for them or send them a book or a Christmas ornament.
Make a list of “Things I love about you” or “Things that remind me of you” or “Things I pray/believe for your future.”
Participate in a stocking drive for other kids. Make some stocking stuffers.
Send them a devotion and arrange to do it at the same time every day while separated. YouVersion (www.bible.com and www.bible.com/kids) has many free plans for this.
All these suggestions can help us feel closer to our children when we’re separated from them. They also give us an opportunity to gift them with our positive thoughts, feelings, and affirmations for them. These can help strengthen their identity, reaffirm their value, and remind them that even though they are physically separated from us, they are always close to our hearts and in our prayers.
Scripture Verses for Moms
There are some scriptures a mama can cling to. They are the rights of all believers.
Here are some of my favorite mind managing verses that I use to remind me of who God says I am, what He has given me to get through hard things, and the kind of thoughts that we can dwell on to drive away the old thought processes.
John 5:24 – “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My (Jesus) word and believes in Him(God the Father) who sent Me(Jesus) has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life. (Eternal life) “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” –
Romans 6:23, Heb 13:6-7 For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we may boldly say: “The LORD is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?”
Psalm 34:18 – The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Joshua 1:9 – “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”
Philippians 4:4-8 4 Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. 9 The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.
Romans 8:37-38 37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. May the God of all comfort comfort you.
Meggin Schiffner lives in Florida with her husband and is mom to three boys, two young adults and one in high school. Her periods of separation from her children were forced on her by a long and difficult illness. She is a passionate writer exploring the depths of emotions and the God who takes care of her. Friends who helped with these ideas have chosen to remain anonymous.
You can find this article and more in Reach Up Edition: Winter 2022
